How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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