I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
