I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize