you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MIDGETS
????
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
