We should be called the Road Head Warriors
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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