He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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