i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
