does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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