DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
