If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
