i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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