woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
