I can text with my tongue
You can't special order awesome
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
