i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
