He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
