bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
