Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize