You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
