So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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