I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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