Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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