he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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