you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this just has baby written all over it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
