Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
