I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
