I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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