I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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