I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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