He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
