I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
