tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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