I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
