my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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