shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
