He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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