Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
