Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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