he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
