Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
