I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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