He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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