I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
