I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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