I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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