Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize