I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
