Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize