apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
