I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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