my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
