So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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