Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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