I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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