her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
