She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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