Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
