Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
