My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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