yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
