when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
