Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
