can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
