the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We got so high we made milksteak
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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