Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize