So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
