cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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