That's when you crack a 10am beer
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
