I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
