I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
