its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
